tired and restless

What can I say. I fail at updating.

But summer has finally managed to come. The sun is out, the sky is blue, and construction is as invasive as ever. One of my favorite parts about summer is how everything just slows down and almost stops. It's like Time just decides to let you maximize everything, even (and especially) sleep. I forgot how much I missed sleep.

That being said, I've still managed to do a good job without it. Shaelynn and I have certainly hit this summer off to an unforgettable start. We have this talent for meeting complete strangers who happen to have exactly what we need. Kind of like the universe is just giving us free handouts to fate. We've made new friends, both young and old. The old have benefits like motorcycles and sick houses and equipment for jamming, and the young just happen to find us every night at two in the morning without even trying to. Not sure exactly what that will be good for, but at least I know where to find company should I want some :)

I still haven't been home yet. And that kills me. I don't mean to complain, provo is absolutely great and I love everything here, but it's not the ocean, the weather is not consistently 70 degrees and sunny, and my family isn't here. It took me leaving and never getting to come back to realize just how amazing my family truly is: my parents are supportive of whatever I decide to do, my brother and sisters always are there to the rescue no matter how stupid or serious the emergency, my nieces win. sorry but they do. Watching them all grow up and move on without me in their life on a consistent basis is tough. It's hard to accept that you aren't needed anymore, that people can move on without you and be okay. Especially when they are your little sister. Haley I am so proud of you, and I couldn't be a luckier sister. Honestly.

But even though I don't get to be there for her olympic swim meets, first date, prom, and all the other exciting things that are going on in her life, we are closer than ever and it is the greatest thing ever :) I don't know that she reads this, but if she does, hopefully this makes up for that one time my status update didn't have her name in it! I love you darling, you have my heart always and forever

so lets try this sleep thing maybe?

Hunger Games... I mean banquet

So last night I went to BYU's 21st annual Hunger Banquet. If you haven't heard of it, you pay for a dinner that will most likely be on the floor. When I mean the floor, I mean you are sitting on cardboard, sharing a tiny cup of rice and beans with your neighbor, and scooping them up with a tortilla because you don't get silverware. Thirsty? You drink dirty water out of a plastic bag. (It's not really dirty people, don't contact the Health Department and try to sue.) And you do all of this for about three hours. And it hurts to sit on the floor for three hours. But that's what you are getting into when you buy the ticket. It's a humbling experience, having a meal like millions of people in Africa do every day. With the live drumming in the background and the people dressed in yards of plain fabric, and the tiny (but accurate) portions of food, you really feel like you are in a third world country.

But I didn't sit on the floor. My date and I were one of the 10% of the hundreds of people there that sat in the "first class" section: white tablecloths, my own personal waitress, four courses, and (need I say) chairs.

I would honestly have rather sat on the floor. Even though I knew everyone there was all the same as me: we are all poor college students, that it was just a pretend simulation representing the worlds percentages of first class, middle class, and the rest of the world. I felt so guilty, sitting at a beautiful table eating a meal that should have cost me $30 when everyone else paid ten bucks for a meal that cost 15 cents. They even separated us from the rest of the group, making me feel very unaware of what exactly was going on "down there." It made me realize how clueless us Americans really are about the conditions of the rest of the world. Even when we want to try and stretch and see what's going on "over there", we are in totally separate worlds. It would take us to leave the comfort of our chairs and waiters and joining the people on the floor to see how they felt about the situation.

And there were people who shared their salads and bread and water with the groundlings. My date and I gave a piece of cheesecake to a group of four people to share, and from the look on their faces you would think they hadn't seen anything like it in weeks. The director of the Peace Corps gave an incredible speech, and the performances were all beautiful. It gets better? I came home with a souvenir! Josh and I took some of the artwork home with us... for free :) Which doubled for an umbrella as we walked home in the rain.

Overall, an incredible experience. For those of you who haven't yet experienced the Hunger Banquet... let the games begin!

I do....not yet

So I cannot believe that it is already January. Correction: almost February. I haven't posted in ages and it's time to write again. This semester is a good one. I am finishing up my pre-reqs before I apply to the Communications-- Public Relations major and life is more stressful than ever. To help balance it out, I thought I would take a nice fun class to help me get through the semester... marriage prep should be fun right?

Wrong. Never in my life have I been more stressed about dating than now. You'd think living in Provo that I would be used to the couples everywhere and the established importance of finding your eternal companion to end the thousands of years your soul has been single. Living with RMs gets you used to engagements after three months of dating. But now I am told that even above school, my search for my future eternal companion (FEC) should be my number one priority. I am also told that 1) I do not know what I want in a husband and 2) I do not know how to date my fec. Kill. Me.

Luckily, I have my new roommate Annie here to help. She just got off her mission in Korea and I have to say she is one of the biggest blessings in my life right now. Today is her birthday but since she is an exercise and wellness major she won't let me bake her a birthday cake. I was very sad. Anyways, to all the single guys out there, look out because she is a CATCH!!

BOO

So it's that time of year again. The leaves are turning yellow, gold, red, orange and brown, the air is getting cooler, and the sun is setting sooner. IT'S OCTOBER. And now that I think of it, it might be one of the best months ever. I mean, it's my first month as a 20 year old (which actually isn't as bad as I thought it would be-- though I swear I woke up with a new wrinkle this morning), and all of the holidays begin this month. And we know what that means: delicious food mmmmmmm I can smell the pumpkin already.

Can I say it enough how lucky I am? I get to experience the holidays with my best friends and with real weather? I am so lucky.

Man's Best Friend

So when everyone comes home for the summer, they hang out with their old friends again. The friend wakes up each day with excitement, because seeing that face is the best thing in the whole world to them. It's been too long. And now they get to go do everything together. By that I mean walks. All the time. Yeah that's right. Thats what me and my best friend do all the time. Because my best friend is my dog.

They say that chimpanzees are closest to human beings in connection. with a 98% similarity in DNA, to question such a fact would seem stupid and redundant. Except when it comes to a man and his dog.

We like to think that we are rational beings; humane, conscientious, civilized, thoughtful. But when things fall apart, even just a little, it becomes clear we are not better than animals. We have opposable thumbs, we think, we walk erect, we speak, we dream, but deep down we are still routing around in the primordial ooze; biting, clawing, scratching out an existence in the cold, dark world like the rest of the tree-toads and sloths. There’s a little animal in all of us and maybe that’s something to celebrate. Our animal instinct is what makes us seek comfort, warmth, a pack to run with. We may feel caged, we may feel trapped, but still as humans we can find ways to feel free. We are each other’s keepers, we are the guardians of our own humanity and even though there’s a beast inside all of us, what sets us apart from the animals is that we can think, feel, dream and love. And against all odds, against all instinct, we evolve.

So last time Megan Leigh Reed got me addicted to this thing. I stayed up forever tweaking things and playing with it despite my huge headache calling me to bed!

But I have made a goal this summer, and it is this: even though I am not in Provo with my best friends in the entire world anymore, I am going to make the most of Ventura, CA as possible. Because Ventura actually is beautifullll and has perfect weather. By perfect I mean 70 degrees YEAR ROUND and 275 out of 365 sunny and cloudless. And my friends here are super fun. Even though some of them AKA REX WINSLOW will be leaving me for two years to france very soon.

In reality though, I am so blessed. I get to have free room and board thanks to the Mr&Mrs Slade, I get to work at a hotel and meet all sorts of people from all over the world and it never gets old! Sometimes they are really hard to understand or really impatient but sometimes they are super easy to please and so bubbly you wonder if they are on drugs. (Which, has also happened for reals) On a side note, for everyone that thinks standing on your feet for eight hours a day is easy business, here is a reality check: it is soooo painful and it makes you feel like an 80 year old every time you sit down because your joints ache so bad it is literally impossible to get up again! Goodness me I hope I age well... right now though things are looking so good... C=

And at home, I go to Singles Ward. What is singles ward you ask? It is Church specifically for people ages 18-28 so its more fun, its at a much later time (1:30pm) and you get lectured on how you need to get married ASAP like every day. hahaha I have never felt more old and single in my entire life until I went to BYU and saw the couples paired off hand-in hand, with the baby bump every five seconds. You think I exaggerate. If you are 23 and unmarried everyone thinks "wow, poor thing. who knows if she will ever find somebody at such a late time in her life" BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA ohhh but seriously.... if I am 23 and unmarried and hear that kind of stuff... I'll probably just go kill myself.

my bucket list

1. Go to Uganda
2. Perform on Broadway
3. Get a Henna Tattoo
4. Cut all of my hair off
5. Get married in the LA temple
6. Have kids
7. Write a book
8. Write a song
9. Learn to play the Guitar
10. Take a road trip across the US
11. Have a wardrobe completely from Anthropologie
12. See all seven wonders of the world
13. camp out. hardcore style.
14. Live on the East Coast
15. Travel to every continent
16. Try caviar
17. Sew my own outfit
18. Be a Bum and get money
19. Learn Sign Language
20. Ride a Horse
21. Wait tables
22. Street Perform
23. Catch a fish
24. Shoot a Gun
25. Learn how to Sail
26. Fly a Plane
27. Make the equivalent of IHOP pancakes
28. Donate an organ or bone marrow
29. Escape a ticket
30. Sky Dive
31. Post a Secret
32. be in two places at once
33. try being vegan
34. teach yoga
35. skinny dip
36. go commando
37. mail a love letter
38. kiss in the rain
39. milk a cow
40. meet someone famous
41. sense when it will rain
42. pass college
43. Make my own sushi
44. Change someone's life
45. Witness a miracle
46. read all of the classics
47. Dye my hair
48. Stay up for 72 hours
49. Learn a ballroom dance with the eternal companion
50. Read the scriptures cover to cover to cover to cover